A Tearful Christmas

The last few hours of Christmas eve and the first few hours of Christmas were really terrible for me. I had a mixture of different feelings: annoyed, guilty and other feelings that I'm unable to describe. To some people that I have spent my entire life with, why are you making such a big fuss and overreacting?? I understand that you are worried and protective for me but please do not be overcontrolling, it only pisses me off!! What do you mean by "I trust you but I do not trust your friends"? Yup that's what you said to me, it doesn't make any sense at all!!

I felt guilty for letting everyone rush back early and not able to enjoy themselves. I cried not only because I'm afraid that I will be grounded and not able to hangout with friends. The main reason is because I felt like a troublemaker at that moment, making everyone unhappy due to my selfish desire to meet him.

After several sleepless moments, you finally did what I was hoping for. Thanks for comforting me, I felt much better. I finally realise that you did care for me after all, it's just you show it in a very different way from others and they may not understand why you choose to do so. Well, I'm glad that you were smart to do it. It wasn't a waste to take the risk after all.. The side effects are just being scolded and having swollen eyes. XD

Merry Christmas!! =)

(sorry for posting about such a unhappy event on a cheerful occasion)

For undergraduates =)‏

I received this mail a few weeks ago, from my friend Jessie. To those who can't read Chinese, please ask your friends or families to translate it. These are some good advices for undergraduates. =)



给大学及学院生
1.进入大学，你的所有过去对于他们来说是一张白纸，这是你最好的重新塑造自己形象的时候。
3.你在大学有很多意外用钱的地方。为了你的家人和你自己的前途，永远别乱花钱。
4.你大学的朋友很可能就是你将来事业的一部分。他们会帮助你。但是你也应该让自己有能够帮助他们的实力，所以，你要努力。
5.很多事情当你再回忆时会发现其实没什么。所以，不管你当时多么生气愤怒或者别的，都告诉自己不必这样。
6.学习，永远不要忘记。如果你学习失败了，你就什么也不是，当然，也不排除意外，但问题是，你会是那个意外吗？
7.别说脏话，你应该知道习惯的力量。你随便的一个字或者几个字会让你在别人心中的形象大打折扣。
8.好好利用在公共场合说话的机会，展示或者锻炼。
9.别为你自己和别人下定论，这非常重要。你所看到听到的可能只是一面。
10.如果你发现很久了你一直是一个人去食堂吃饭或者去上自习，别在意，大学里一个人是正常的。
11..很多事情别人通知你了，要说谢谢，没有通知你，不要责怪，因为那些事情你其实应该自己弄清楚。
12.“我请你吃饭”之类的话永远不要乱说。
13.尊严是最重要的，但在大学里，要懂得利用这个空间锻炼自己，让自己的尊严有足够大的承受力。除了你自己，没人会为你保留它。社会是一个最喜欢打碎人的尊严的地方。
14.大学是亚社会，当你上了高年级后，要让自己有大人的形象，大一的孩子看到你，你要能让他们感觉到你是他们的学长，你很成熟。
15.你有足够的理由佩服每天早起的人，不信的话，你去做，做到后会发现有很多人在佩服你呢。
16.经常给家里打个电话。
17.你可以有喝醉的时候，但是你要明白和真正的朋友一醉才能让伤心事休，否则，你只会是别人的谈资和笑柄。
18.如果你三/四年内很少去图书馆的话，你就等于自己浪费了一大笔的财富。
19.不论男人还是女人，如果在大学里还把容貌当做重要的东西而过分重视的话，可能不会吃亏，但是早晚会吃亏。
20..新学期如果你接新生的话，当被问到学校怎么样之类的问题时，你要记住你不但是这个学校的一分子，你更要给学弟学妹带来信心，你走过大一，你应该知道那时候对学长的信任多深。
21.别迷恋网络游戏。千万别。永远别。
22.“我爱你”。别对很多人说这句话，在大学里，希望你只对一个人说，这是尊重你爱的人，更是尊重你自己的感情。
23.在大学里，你有足够的空间承受失败和打击，因此，你真的应该找找自信和自傲的区别，可以用一辈子的。
24.如果你的个性让很多人对你敬而远之，那么你的个性是失败的，个性的成功在于能吸引，而不是能排斥。
25.如果把上课不睡觉当做一种锻炼并且你做到了，那么，你将会很强。
26.学生会的主席之类的干部，如果你尊重他们，告诉你自己那是因为他们是你的学长而不是因为他们是你的上级。
27.别怕丢人，那是一种成功的尝试，不要笑话那些上台丢人的人。
28.从绝望中寻找希望，人生终将辉煌。
29.如果你不抽烟的话，你的精力将会比抽烟的时候好。
30.你的确要学会有心计，但是永远记住，要胜利的唯一的方法永远只是:实力。
31.面对不公平的东西，不要抱怨，你不如去努力奋斗，争取你自己最合适的公平。
32.人生百态，不要对新的看不惯的东西生气，无所谓的，比如说恋人同居问题，这和我们很多人无关。
33.记住:为自己设定一个远大的人生目标，并终生为之奋斗。
34..在大学里就开始训练自己的冷静力，这是一种能力，有大事时，能安静并能快速想出办法的人，很厉害。
35.大学的竞争范围是所有的大学生，所以，你知道是否敢放松学习。
36.大了，成熟了，稳重了，但是这和激情不矛盾，一种对工作和学习的冲击力及持久力会让你有特殊的魅力。
37.记住，即便你是学生会主席，如果你的四级没过，没有毕业证，仍然不会有单位想要你。单位需要的是工作的人而不是当官的人。
38.永远不要嘲笑你的教师单调，因为有一天现实会让你为这种愚蠢付出代价。
39.不要幻想自己能成为招聘会上的宠儿，很快你就会明白:百分之七十的初中生都可以上大学。 40.英语一定要学好。
41.你可以看不惯一些东西，但是你应该学会接受，如果你没法改变那一切的话。
42.对陌生人，或者把对方当做一张白纸，或者把对方当做你的朋友，总之别当做敌人，即使你听到再多的关于他(她)的不好的传闻。
43.爱你的人，不管你接不接受，你都应该感谢对方。
44.每个星期一定要抽时间出来锻炼身体的。好处多多。
45.如果有人嫉妒你，你可以把他从竞争者之列删除了。怀嫉妒之心者，难成大事。
46..别去争论，人不可能赢得争论，可以说，争论所提及的话题都是不值得去争论的。
47.成功的方法多种多样，别不接受你看不惯的方法。
48.男人，你长得可以不帅，但你这个人必须帅，而且，那才是真正的帅。(当然，女人也是同样的道理)所以，不必在穿着打扮上花太多心思。
49.别以为在学生会你能得到你曾经想要的。工作的热情很可能因为你所看到的所经历的一些事而改变。
50.文或武，你总要有一样。样样通样样松都是禁忌。样样通几样更通方是境界。
51.还能冲动，表明你还对生活有激情，总是冲动，表明你还不懂生活。
52.如果你不能拥有，那么告诉自己别忘记——如果你能承受那伤痛的话。
53.虽然班级的概念在大学并不明显，但是也别忘记，你的同学你的朋友。
54.准备考研，早点比晚点好。
55.别抱怨四级六级，那是证明你能力的很好的东西。
56.要有精英意识，考虑一下，大学的人了，迷恋武侠和言情，已经没有任何意义。
57.莫过于耿直，莫过于圆滑。外圆内方是一种视野，视野决定着境界。
58.大学的手机是否应该用只有自己有答案。
59.永远别渴望做个谁都不得罪的人，在反对和支持声中自己做出决定才精彩。
60.要有魄力，即使是失败，也不要让自己的人生平庸。
61.喜欢一个人，就勇敢地告诉他或者她。大学是学习的地方，但是我理解爱情的力量。
62.应该相信一句话:没有不可能的事情！只要去做。现在我们是学生，十年后呢？
63.不要总想是否能成功，既然选择，便当风雨兼程。
64.后悔，它是一种耗费精神的情绪，后悔是比损失更大的损失，比错误更大的错误。所以不要后悔。
65.我们确实活得艰难，要承受种种外部的压力，更要面对自己内心的困惑。在苦苦挣扎中，如果有人向你投以理解的目光，你会感到一种生命的暖意，或许仅有短暂的一瞥，便足以使我感奋不已。
66.每个人都有潜在的能量，只是很容易被习惯所掩盖，被时间所迷离，被惰性所消磨。
67..相信时间的力量，可以冲淡很多东西。
68.记住:目光要深远。你的目光看多远你就能走多远。
69.人生有很多次如果，但是，没有一次“但是”。
70.永远不要瞧不起大学里的贫困生。
71.在大学时代看看学校的招聘会吧，你会感觉到一种前途的危机。全是人，全是人，全是人……
72.越大，我们就会发现对与错越是那么不明显，这不是错，这是事实，而且无法改变。
73.记住结交每一个值得结交的朋友。
74.无聊的时候，别忘记朋友。朋友无聊的时候，别忘记你是他们的朋友。
75.如果你没有珍惜大学这三/四年，你一定会抱憾终生。

Twilight

My blog had come to a standstill once again due to my laziness. But I'm back for now!! ^^

Just finished the two-week torture of Malaysian and Moral Studies intensive classes on Friday and officially graduated from Ausmat. Will be free for around 2 to 3 months until when my degree starts next year. I wonder where my future lies, it seems so unpredictable..

I managed to catch the 1st Twilight movie today on Astro (HBO or SMV, I'm not sure). Okay, I know I'm way too outdated since it was in the cinemas last year and unfortunately I MISSED IT!!!!! T.T Anyway, I'm sssssooooooooooooooooo into Edward Cullen after watching Twilight. He's so sweet and protective for Bella. Heart him!!! =)=)=)

Edward~ ♥♥♥

I must place "watch New Moon" on my to-do list for this month. Heard some poor comments about New Moon from my friends, but still looking forward to watch it!! =)

17th of September

Screwed my Econs paper today, only manage to complete 2 out of 3 essay questions required and didn't complete the structural questions. I just manage to draw the graphs on exchange rate for the third essay question. Aarrgghh~~ Hope I will be able to perform better in the upcoming papers!! >.<

Anyway, screwing my Econs paper is not the main point of this post. Moving on, it's about the retrieval of almost-forgotten memories from my long term memory (application of Psychology, hope that it helps for my paper tomorrow!! XD) It happened during Econs exam when I was suppose to put full concentration on my paper. Somehow, my mind just wandered off for those few seconds, enjoying the rare moment when there are a lot of people yet not a single noise is heard.

Sitting in the Multi Purpose Hall (MPH) of SUC, I managed to recall some high school moments spent in the Dewan during the period when there were SPM trials and also when SPM was approaching. We Form 5's spent most of our time there during that period because we couldn't go back to our old classrooms which were occupied. I remember studying with Syamimi and helping her out when she has problems in the Maths and Science subjects. I remember the memories with my gang of friends, not only during that period but the whole year. I remember the old "him" and feel glad that things still remain until now...

Basically, just a few pieces of memories are scanned through my brain during that brief moment. I couldn't go on for long, had to pull myself back into the reality of the DEADLY Econs paper. =(

The reality marked the end of my day dreaming. And you think that this post is coming to an end too, do you?

You got it wrong!!

I still have some other things to share and this post may be my most long-winded post EVER. if you do not wish to continue reading my post of craps, please feel free to read this as your last sentence and leave. Haha!! =P

Okay, for those who decided to stay on. Hmm.. Actually it's about some personal feelings. Felt like crying just now but blogging made me feel better. In a way, it's nice to think about the past and the wonderful memories but it really pisses me off at times. Why does it seem that I'm always stuck in the past? Seems like I don't move on as much as other people do. I'm trying to do well, not only academically, but also socially. It's not impossible but it feels so hard at times when you are trying to change for the better. I'm not saying that my collegemates are bad, in fact they are nice, but I still feel out of place once in a while. I really hate this feeling!! Is there something wrong with me? I don't want to feel lonely!! I wonder if anyone else had gone through this experience too...

Need to do revision for Psychology paper tomorrow. More updates when I have my blogging mood again!! =)

MOCK =(

MOCK EXAM SCHEDULE

16/9 (Wed) - EALD

17/9 (Thurs) - Economics

18/9 (Fri) - Psychology

23/9 (Wed) - Accounts

24/9 (Thurs) - Applicable Maths

P.S: Still have to study during Hari Raya break. Sob!! >.<

P.P.S: Need to do more revision and catch ups on Economics and Applics. I don't want to flunk Applics EVER again. I seriously need A LOT of marks to contribute to my Applics internal score. T__T Wish me luck people!!

What's Said Cannot Be Undone

Words can be sharp and hurtful, if they are not uttered in a proper manner.

Once those words are expressed, there's no turning back although you want to, just because you hurt someone's feelings.

I know that what's said cannot be undone, I know that you are hurt.

But I want to apologise for what I said that day.

It was my fault, I should have thought twice before expressing my thoughts without consideration.

I don't want this incident to leave a scar in our friendship.

You know who you are, please understand if you read this.

I'm really really sorry...

You Belong With Me

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset

She's going off about something that you said

She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night

I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like

And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers

Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find

That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see?

You belong with me

You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans

I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be

Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself

Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town

I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down

You say you find I know you better than that

Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers

Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see?

You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know that

You belong with me

You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night

I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry

I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams

I think I know where you belong.

I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?

Been here all along so why can't you see?

You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know that

You belong with me

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe

You belong with me

You belong with me